With a little help from my friends.....

"What would you do if I sang out of tune?  Would you stand up and walk out on me.  Lend me your ears and I'll sing you song.  I promise I won't sing out of key.  Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.  Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends.  Oh, I get high with a little help from my friends...."


This little ditty from The Beatles is one of my favorite songs to sing, and preferably when it is covered by the late, great, Joe Cocker.  It was one of the songs I listened to during the start of this year, and the end of last year.  It really speaks to me.  It even speaks to me, today.  I always got the impression that I didn't fit in.  It always seems like I'm an outsider.  People think one way, and I think another.  People play one game one way, and I play it slightly different.  People like one piece of pop culture and my opinion differs....and they want to lop my head off.  Today, I've learned that that is how the world works.  There's no changing that in any way, shape or form.  I accept that, 100% as human beings are not exactly alike in any stretch.  This selection is my thoughts, experiences, and such on friendship.


Let me be the first to say that I have about two true friends in my life right now.  It's something I hold dear to my heart among other things like life, serenity, and such.  To me, friendship is to love someone, unconditionally, clear blue and to be willing to go that extra mile for that person, wanting what's best for that person, despite their imperfections, flaws and whatnot.  The only thing that separates friendship from courtship is..well, intercourse.  Once that's introduced, it goes deeper.  Well, for starters, I have two male friends that stand out as true friends, thick and thin.  Even when the worst came around in my life, they stood by me.  They even offered to help mend fences. That's a stand up thing, if I do say so myself.


When it comes to friends, I don't have many and I have not had many.  There were acquaintances, well-wishers, classmates, co-workers, but very few friends.  I have had issues with trust from the very beginning, stemming from the fact that fitting in was very difficult for me.  As I said previously, fitting in at home was tough enough with various siblings.  I got teased at home, sure.  Teasing at school would come pretty much standard.  But, man, some of these kids were outright cruel.  I had one good friend in my elementary school years.  He moved to Brooklyn and I stuck out the rest of the years with friends that were better off acquaintances.  I can't really consider you a friend if you're making fun of me.....like everyone else did.  But, I digress. I look back on it and I'm not sweating it anymore.


High school was roughly the same as grade school, only my true friend stayed until the middle of sophomore year.  The other friend I made was a friend to be sure.  We were cool, gave each other advice as well as homework help when we were in the same classes, and such.  We even got jumped.    I was friends with him until the end of high school.  Come college, it was a bigger world, with more people to talk to.  Unfortunately, if they don't know you from Adam (or are looking to, for that matter), then making friends isn't the top priority.  Cliques were already formed.  People mingled pretty darn quick.  My experience had me on the outside looking in at class as those who formed friendships formed them base on their studies.  You share a class, you've got a friend. I later found friends through high school friends that joined me in college.  We formed a group where we celebrated our love for video games, animation and science fiction.  It was pretty darn good.  I finally found friends I could connect with through common interests that wouldn't, well, treat me like those did in elementary school.  That would soon change.....


It was called the S.G.A. (Science Fiction, Games, and Animation) club.  We were a collection of students who liked science fiction, games of all kinds, and all forms of animation.  It was, what I would call, a fellowship of good ol' time geekery.  I met my two best friends through this group.  I loved the fact that we all had the same interests, and in turn, shared thoughts on a number of things.  But, that's where the similarities ended.  When it came down to personality, the group almost quickly sectioned itself off into little groups.  You had those who only liked anime, those who only liked games, and those who only liked Sci-Fi.  As time passed, and we got to know each other, in a way, people paired off with others, reforming circles of friends.  As cliques formed within clique, I wasn't envious or anything.  I got alone with everyone as best I could.  Then I realized, that there were not only issues we all had, projecting outward in our own ways, but soon enough, we had issues with each other.  First and foremost, the old school clashed with the new school.  My best friends found themselves unable to relate to the new folks....because the new folks lost faith in one of my best friends as their leader.  We've had upheavals on the political scale, shifts in power, and ultimately, timely departures.  If you left the group, it was either because you were ostracized, you focused more on your studies to finish school, or you found another endeavor that took up your time that was more fruitful.  As I hung around until my tenure in college was over, I started to find myself as the butt of various jokes and teasing.  I allowed it.  I knew it wasn't serious.  It wasn't until I found my efforts to help undermined that I realized they weren't really on my side...at all.  But I kept them at arm's length because, after all, they were the only real friends I had at the time.


After college, I started to grow apart from them.  I realized that my nerdiness was not on par with theirs.  And in the process, I was practically an outsider, as the jokes got more rampant and being left out was more obvious.  Let me give you an example.  Say a video game came out, right?  Everyone who was everyone in this group talked about this game like it was the "bee's knees" or the "cat's pajamas".  If you didn't have the game, you were left out of the conversation.  If you wanted to join the convo, you needed the game.  I found myself getting the game a little later, and by then, the convo changed.  If I had any questions about certain parts, I wouldn't get any real answers.  But, I did get answers.  This happened many times. When it came to World of Warcraft, I finally gave in and bought it.  My purpose, when it came to my friends, was to be a certain class, no questions asked, in order to help them with raids.  I sold the game back no more than a few weeks later.  After that and onward, it became crystal clear how good a set of friends these guys were going to be.  Now, I could go on and on about what happened next, but this isn't a rant.


What is a friend?  By definition, it's someone a person knows well and likes.  It's an ally.  In other words, it's someone you know well and hold dear to you, in good times and bad.  There's no judging.  There's no negative criticism.  There's no secrets.  The only difference between a friend and a significant other is...well, intimacy of a sexual nature.   In my 33 years on this planet, I think it's safe to say that I have had a few very good allies and various acquaintances.  I'm glad to know the difference now.  So, I can honestly say that two friends of mine are my best friends.  They've been like brothers to me when I was down and out, and when I've been up and running.  I can count on them to be there for me and I for them.  The only other friends I have are of a different nature, to be sure, and they have been a big help to me as well.


I used to think, in my heart of hearts, that I had no friends.  I had no one to ever care about my thoughts and feelings.  I'm glad to know that I was wrong.  I did have to do some purging, re-deciding, and the like.  But, in the end, I know who my real friends are and who I want to surround myself with.  I used to think that if people were just like me, I shouldn't or wouldn't have any issues, after all.  Why should we have problems with each other if so many problems happened to us?  The truth is, those problems did a number on us all, and in turn, passes onward to other people.  Trust becomes an issue, and we put on false faces or whatnot because, who we are, and what we've been through just doesn't seem like it's worth telling someone.  If there's no trust, there's no friendship.  I trusted one of my best friends so much that I made him like a right-hand man of sorts.  He loves me so much that he wanted me to mend the fences with my other best friend so we didn't try to have the awkwardness.  So, I did.  And now, the band is back together.


What would you do if I sang out of tune?  If you walked out on me, I wouldn't mind.  If you stayed with support, I'd be very grateful.  What would you do if you saw me in pain?  If you tried to comfort me, that would be awesome.  I would be more than happy to do the same for you in all instances, because I care about those who care about me.   With a little help from my friends, I can get by, I am OK, and I enjoy the life I have, no questions asked.


Now, if I can just convince my best friends to join me for karaoke...