The Dating Game (Online Edition)

I watched as my phone got crowded.  I cycled through different people for 4 straight days, feeling less and less proud of myself.  All I did was cycle through pictures and people.  I decided that enough was enough.  I couldn't take it. Not anymore.  I gave possibly a grand total of 11 years..maybe more to finding women online.  Yes, that's right.  When all else failed, go with the safest way to interact: anonymously in front of a computer.  This isn't a new thing when it comes to anonymous people and dating.  Personal ads were placed for the sake of meeting new people.  Computer dates were created where questions were asked to see who you were compatible with.  The art of the blind date has been something that has been done on a number of occasions.  But with the start of the new century, the new millennium, the new generation, the methods change, in some cases for the better...and in some for the worse.  Well, I think I've reached my limit.  I feel I've reached my limit.  I even know I've reached my limit when, in all honesty and fairness, I just don't care.


It all started to go this way as early as my time with AOL.  Yea, going way back to 1998 on this one.  Once I got wind of chat rooms, email, instant messaging, and the like.  It was a paradise, a window to the world when I was a teen, not free to really go out or actually brave enough to do that often.  I tried to connect with any and every woman possible.  I set preferences, I used my name, I eliminated any boundaries.  I wanted to be loved and to love.  I wanted what I thought everyone had but didn't have: a relationship with someone I really like, grow to love, stay with for a long time, and maybe more.  For the most part, I've met a handful of people, got to know them and such.  But in the end, nothing really materialized.  I did get myself into some very, very sticky situations.  I was coerced into paying some one's EBay bill because I thought she was very pretty.  I once introduced said woman to another woman who was very volatile.  Volatile enough to threaten to bring gang members to my house.  I've also crossed paths with women who either were cool with meeting or not even close.  Of the women I met, I could have sworn there was a future there.  Really.  Sadly, there wasn't.    There was some kisses and such, but no such luck with a more permanent future.  As I grew and got more desperate, I was so adamant on meeting new women that I would try and hope for anything.  So, a friend of mine suggested social media.  And, being as desperate as I was, I gave it a shot.


First there was BlackPlanet and MiGente.  These were the earliest in social media next to AOL Homepages.  Of course, primarily if you were a Black person and in college, BlackPlanet was your go-to spot.  Same goes if you were Hispanic and in college for MiGente.  Well, that was the standard.  No one followed it (thank goodness) and I found myself going through a litany of pages, preferably pages of females.  No such luck on that front. It wasn't until I started dating an old high school friend of a friend that I found the next level of social media: Facebook and MySpace.  Once my same friend got me into that, I felt like I had another line on dating.  In the end, it really just opened the door to contacting old friends, while trying to stay in touch with new ones.  I had made a few new friends, reconnected with old ones, and in the end, had to take a break from Facebook just out of overexposure and personal matters.  As for MySpace, I slowly walked away from that site, knowing that A) most people were using Facebook more due to its increased features, B) most people were using Facebook due to its increased security, and C) most people were using Facebook due to the fact that it was first, I guess.  In the end, I returned to Facebook after a long hiatus for personal reasons with a new approach.  This time, meet the people I befriend, and go with a relaxed approach.  Just enjoy the time there and let the chips fall where they may.


It wasn't until 2009 that I was alerted by a co-worker and a friend from online to dating websites.  I was recently single.  I was not interested in being alone.  I wanted to rebound, not really giving any thought to letting it be.  So, I jumped in and looked to see how it would be.  First, I tried the free route since I could not afford the pay stuff nor did I choose to want to do it because I believed that this kind of stuff should be paid for.  Something like dating should not cost money, or at least what they are asking for.  Sheesh.  So how did it go?


PlentyOfFish was first on the hit list.  It was free, everything was available all at once, and I got to see people's info up close and personal.  It was great, or so I thought.  From a technical standpoint, this thing had more cracks, issues, and troubles than your standard website made with clothespins for security.  So, yea, not secure at all.  As for the people on there, that's another story.  I encountered a many different women.  Some just for hooking up.  Some not really interested. Some to most smack dab in the middle.  I came across women who had their own share of issues when considering relationships.  There were women who were actually very "out there" with their dating habits for one reason or another.  In the end, no such luck.


Next was OKCupid.  Much more secure than that of POF (which was more like a POC).  Also, it had a compatibility factor where it took your likes, dislikes, and everything in between and matched them up nicely with others.  Hmm...sounds pretty good.  Eliminates guesswork, saves time....how bad can that be?  I've had a bunch of options that went literally nowhere.  Phone numbers were exchanged and while some got somewhere, others went nowhere.  In the end, it all fell flat, save for one.  The one that went further was my ex.  Yup, I met my ex on OkCupid.  We had so much in common, so much to go on and with.  It felt like a match made in heaven.  We dated for two years, were engaged for one, and married right after.  All within 3 years.  There were ups, there were downs, but we were in it together to win it....or so I thought.  Within a year of marriage, there was turmoil, enough to rock our relationship and crack the foundation.  Long story short, she's gone and I'm here writing (typing?) about it.  OKCupid: not quite stupid, but not helpful to me in the least.  Bye bye.


So, it was suggested to me that I should invest in a dating site to pay for.  Why?  Better quality.  I wasn't going to bother biting before.  Why now?  Easy.  See, a good friend of mine from college did and, like I did, married his girlfriend.  They spent many a great year together before being engaged.  Now, both families are together and happy.  Well, it's not impossible then, is it?  So, off to EHarmony I go.  I didn't commit to any payment for three reasons.  One, the prices were exorbitantly high.  Two,  I could still communicate in some way without paying, let alone see photos.  Three, there were free communication weekends.  I spoke to my friend about this and he said to really put forth effort over those weekends, since it's free.  The results were some numbers from some desirable women.  However, they never materialized for a number of reasons.  Some were due to scheduling and plans (one listed being in the Bronx but only lived there during the summer).  Some met me, but never really went forward with it.  After those, the well dried up.  Then I got wind of the fact that the site itself is restricting towards a lot of things (sexual orientation, race, religion, etc.)  I decided this wasn't going to be my choice, especially with that price plan.


Then, there was Match.com.  Like OKCupid, it was based on compatibility and match-ups.  Like EHarmony, it cost money, but more affordable and more leeway on your personality and character.  So, that's good.  I planned to wait on some money before moving forward with this site, but I made the mistake of charging my card in advance instead.  My funds were low and I wanted to avoid fraud, so out of panic, I called to cancel my transaction, in hopes to not have any issues.  For a bit, there was no feedback, so I figured all was well.  So, I went about using the account, problem free.  I made some connections, good and bad.  One left such a bad taste in my mouth, I broke down in frustration (when one reminds you of an ex, in the worst way, you gotta let go!).  Ironically, after that, my account was terminated as before that I got a notice from my card company saying the dispute went through.  So, no more Match.com for me.  Seemed like a blessing in disguise, as I was just about at the end of my rope with online dating in general.  As there were no more vestiges, all that was left were apps, specifically Tinder.


I have been doing the Tinder thing on and off.  I never really got into it.  It felt like a hook up app to say the least.  In all honesty, it is.  I gave it the old college try for 3 to 5 days.  In the end, I thought I had 3 matches.  One was spam, and the last two were mistakes in adding me.  I can tell.  I said to myself, that this was to be the last attempt at dating via computer if nothing came of Tinder.  Nothing did, and it was over.  And now, I'm writing (typing?) about what is going to happen next.


At this point in my life, I've come to the understanding and revelation that this whole attempt at dating online, just doesn't work for me.  With it, I'm trying to control the outcome of my love life, and it doesn't work that way.  Being with the right person is a combination of things like timing, some luck, love, and patience.  I realized that if those things aren't in place, problems will ensue.   I think, for once, I'll just leave it all alone.  I realize that when people meet the real me, see the real me, get to know the real me, they are drawn to the real me.  I'm more than capable of attracting people offline than online.  I used to never think that, but now, I definitely do.



So, if this is the end of playing the "dating game" online edition, then it's the end.  Maybe I'll go back.  But I will definitely say this:  it will not be the definitive way for me to meet people.  If I have learned anything over the past few, it's that there's no price you can put on human interaction.  Nor should there be any restrictions on trying to find a mate, like paying money or something.  Just not how it should be.   Now, Meetup.com, well, that's a different story.  Meeting folks who share your interests, yea that works.  Made a ton of new friends that way.  Romantic interests?  Nothing like that...yet.  The best part is that you meet people in person first and then go from there.  Who'd a thunk it?  An internet site that promotes meeting offline in safe environments.  And it has put forth most of the relationships between my friends lately.  How about that?  But every now and again, I get rejected, and when I do...I feel that part of me ask one hundred and one questions as to what went wrong, not accepting this, accepting that.  The best part about being taken is that you're free of this dating stuff.  Free of the frustration, pressure, heartache, negatives, and all that comes with it.  It's hard to be free when you're single...with all of it going on around you....all the possibilities.   It's why I love warm weather, and hate it.  But, I know it's not the warm weather.  It's not that at all.  The issue lies with me.  I have to work through it, live with it, and rise above it....a day at a time....


Thanks for playing the dating game.  We have some lovely parting gifts for ya......