R.I.P. to professional wrestling

Wrestling is Cool.  Wrestling is Heart.  Wrestling is Intense.  Wrestling is Awesome.  Wrestling is Art.  Wrestling is Respect. Wrestling is Fun!

Well, as of January 5th, 2015, wrestling is dead!

It's dead to me.  It's more dead to me than the roach I killed in my apartment.  It's more dead to me than the Giants' chances of getting to the Playoffs this year.  It's more dead to me than almost anything I no longer find valuable.  Wrestling is dead.

For over 28 years, I have been a fan of professional wrestling.  I loved everything about it.  I loved the rings, the characters, the moves, the arenas, the songs, the events, the matches, the video games, the pay-per-views, the television shows, the merchandise and especially the action figures.  I loved it all.

I fondly remember waking up every Saturday as a boy in hopes to catch WWF Superstars of Wrestling at Noon.  I remember waiting for dinner time to watch WCW Saturday Night in the later years.  I remember how proud I was to actually stay awake and see a full pay-per-view or better still, a full episode of Monday Night Raw.  I remember how much fun I had with my friends in college and my siblings imitating our favorite wrestlers or factions (I even bought my college friends n.W.o. shirts).  I remember going to my first live wrestling show in New York City.  I remember entering the hallowed halls of Madison Square Garden and the ECW Arena.  I remember the afternoons I would spend playing with the Hasbro WWF action figures with my brothers, re-enacting battle royals and Royal Rumbles with any and all toys that we had.  I remember going to my first set of wrestling shows with my future wife.  I remember it all.  But, now, I have come to the end of the road....

You ask me, "Why?  Why now?  Why walk away from one of your favorite pastimes?  Why close the door on wrestling?  Why end your fandom for one of the few things in life you are very passionate, enthusiastic, and happy about? Why you ask?  Because, like video games, wrestling went from a happy medium to an unhealthy obsession.  Like video games, I acted out all my negativity, issues, and the like through wrestling as a coping mechanism.  Unlike video games, since these guys were much closer to real life as what you see on your gaming console, I started to act like I was one of them.  I acted like I was in the business along with them.  I turned into the fan that I always criticized, always detested.  I became a "smart mark".  I acted like I knew everything there was to know about wrestling, like I've been in the business for years on end.  It got to the point where I was a deterrent to friends I had and worse, to the woman I loved.

As I grew with wrestling over the years, I realized that the sun didn't rise and set on the WWF.  I acted like it did, though, to the point of serious annoyance.  But, I knew better.  I knew I still enjoyed the wrestling in WCW.  I knew that, despite the violence that unsettled me, I enjoyed ECW.  I tried to be cool about it all, but in the end, when the WWF won the  wrestling war of the 90s, there was no real reason to be cool.  I got what I wanted.  The WWF was the winner.  Awesome, right?  Well...

With no competition came a lack of quality.  I didn't care either way since I got what I wanted.  With TNA on the horizon, ROH being one of the best-kept secrets in wrestling, and the like, WWE was still on top...and I still watched it all.  Then, I got into wrestling websites that had all the news that the WWE didn't mention.  What piqued my interest was the departure of Matt Hardy.  I've always been a fan of Matt until his last few years when he started to do a slew of videos scaring his fans into his possible suicide.  But, back to the topic at hand.  Hardy was released due to his relationship issues going public with Lita and Edge.  When I saw that the WWE was playing up this angle, I was intrigued.  I believed that the lines of reality and kayfabe were being blurred.  I had to get in on the know and in on the action.  So, from that moment in 2005 until 2014, I was hooked on insider wrestling news.  I was reading the Bleacher Report, Pro Wrestling Torch, the Wrestling Roundtable, and especially Wrestlezone.com.  Names like Dave Meltzer, Mike Johnson, Sean Radican, Bryan Alvarez, and the like were the people I followed.  Heck, I even regulared Wrestlecrap.com, just to see the inside scoop on the worst of pro wrestling.  And, let's not even get into my obsession with Botchamania.  That was my life.  That was my passion.  That was my obsession.

It grew and grew the second I decided to pay for tickets to a Ring of Honor show for me and my friends.  I was hooked on the in-ring action, the characters, and everything in between.  I was already jaded by the WWE with their full-court press with John Cena as the top dog.  TNA was good, but had not measured up according to the standards left by the organizations before it.  This was due to how the company was run and such.  But, ROH, it was the jolt I needed to stay enthralled in wrestling.  What some didn't know is the void this filled as I had just gotten out of a serious relationship.  Some things in life are best not used as place-holders for more important things like relationships.

So, here I was:  a wrestling fan through and through, but the worst kind.  I was the kind that wanted to know everything, had to know everything, and had to prove myself right about everything no matter what anyone said.  I tried to keep it civil, but when it came to hot-button targets, I just had to unload.  What hot button targets were there?  Well:

-The new ECW
-Ending the Undertaker's Streak
-Who should main event Wrestlemania
-Why isn't "so and so" pushed?
-The great "which organization is better" debate
-Wrestling fan of organization A trying to bury organization B
-The underhanded politics of the WWE
-The WWE Divas
-The lack of Tag Team pushing in the WWE
-John Cena...

Oh boy.  That's the one.  That's the hottest of hot buttons.

I've shown such vehement hate towards a wrestler that I tried my hardest to stop watching WWE because of him.  I couldn't stand him, can't stand him, and won't stand him.  However, it got to the point where the mere mention of Cena got my blood up.  Heck, I joined a FaceBook group over my dislike of Cena.  Ahh...Facebook.  Thanks to social media, my obsessions boiled over something fierce.  I now had a platform to say what I wanted to say, do what I wanted to do, and not have to listen to anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.  I was no troll, of course not.  But, I wasn't doing myself any favors being super negative to anything that came my way that I didn't agree with.  How bad did this seep into my personality?  It was more than evident in my longest relationship that led into my marriage.  I became very, VERY, obnoxious.  I got into a huff if a match ended a certain way, lashing out at those around me for not joining in on the anger.  I got sarcastic and negative to troll an event, if I had no real interest in it.  it would not have been so bad if, say, I wasn't so overbearing about it.  I even pouted and got angry when people didn't listen or agree with me.  This has happened on many an occasion, especially with my wife.  I was in my 30s and I was still acting as if I was 15 or 21.  Instead of letting it go or even enjoying what was good, I trashed everything, got salty about it, and longed for nostalgia and the good old days.  I would watch videos of interviews of what I remember...over, and over, and OVER AGAIN.  How many times can I see Mr. Perfect turn into a good guy on Prime Time Wrestling?  Apparently, not enough.

The obnoxiousness didn't end with WWE, either.  Oh, no.  When I first got into CHIKARA, I was so relieved that there was an organization so different from the norm that I could finally get into it.  I loved the storylines, the characters, the unique moves.  I loved it all.  So, what do you do when you have an interest you love?  You share it with others and spread the love.  I did with my wife.  She loved it.  I loved it.  But, as she was able to stop, I obsessed.  I obsessed a lot.  I obsessed so much that I never told her anything useful about the characters so she could keep up.  I would step past her, on her, or over her to get near a wrestler.  I would get peeved when she cheered the bad guys, when the organization had definitive faces and heels.  I was taking the fun out of CHIKARA for her by trying to get her to adhere to how I wanted her to have fun.  Talk about selfish!

The straw that was breaking the camel's back happened at Wrestlemania 30 when I complained that the Undertaker lost the match and his streak was shattered.  I was impossible to deal with going home, forcing my opinions onto her.  We ended up arguing at home and the morning after all because I thought she fully agreed with my sentiments on the show....which happened to be someone else's (for those that don't know, I make it a point to take other people's opinions and make them my own.  Why?  So I can be popular among wrestling peers.  Selfish)!

So, where am I now with all this?  Well, I tried to get back into wrestling actively or at least stay actively interested in it.  Unfortunately, the traits, the defects, the attitude...it was all still there.  I tried getting rid of my groups and friends on Facebook.  I tried backing off the news portion of wrestling.  I unsubbed to a bunch of Youtube videos.  I even put a halt to buying dvds of events I've seen already.  But, my attitude still rang true.  The bad habits, too.  My negative personality traits were tied in with my interest in wrestling.  I had yet to separate the two, and have yet to do so, as well.  I wanted to consume pro wrestling, and in turn, have it consume the fan in me.  This was a dangerous practice to be sure.  The obsessive fantasies, the rants, the disdain for certain fans while not looking in the mirror.  It's time for a change, and that time is now.

As of this past Monday, I have said my final goodbye to professional wrestling.  I watched my last dvd, my last wrestling event, and my last wrestler on any type of television.  I'm selling what's left of my dvds, keeping my wrestling shirts until, I probably run out of shirts to wear at home, and only discussing wrestling casually.  I have no interest in becoming that guy again.  I have no interest in being that guy anymore.  I don't want to be the "smart mark" who knows more than everyone and anyone.  I just want to be me.  There will always be memories, but that's all that they will remain.  There will always be the good old days, but those days are long gone.  All I have now is a search for peace and serenity.  I used wrestling as an avenue to play out my narcissism, my arrogance, my anger, my resentment, my lack of self-esteem, and every other character flaw I could come up with or have discovered.  If I want to get better, feel better, and be better, I have to let it go.

So, rest in peace, pro wrestling.  You were a good friend to me, but I abused the relationship.  In turn, you had your own life to lead, not really caring who was or wasn't interested in you.  So, I'm really not losing out.  I'm gaining.

This isn't some phase, either.  This is permanent.  The final bell has sounded.  The career is over.  Wrestling has been many things to me.  But, as of this moment on, wrestling is