A send up and a send off....to video games
Readers: we are gathered here today to look back at my life as a video gamer. As of January 1st, 2015, I have made the choice to retire from video gaming. What does that mean? It means that my active days of gaming are now over. No longer will I be waiting in line at GameStop to make purchases. No longer will I seek out the arcades for a gaming fix. No longer will I make my pilgrimage to MAGFest or any other gaming conventions. No longer will I stay up at all hours of the night trying to finish a video game I just received. No longer will I isolate myself in my own little world with a DS in my hand and a purpose in my mind. Long story short, I'm putting video games officially on the back burner for the rest of my life. Why?
At 32 years of age, I have played as many systems as I can own or have owned over the years. I have also played and/or seen as many games as I have owned or owned over the years. My complete and total gaming history includes arcade games, pinball games, Atari 2600, Sega Master System (1 and 2) Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Sega Dreamcast, Sony Playstation 2, Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS, Xbox 360, Sony Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii and the Nintendo Wii U. As for the games, there's just way too many to name. Regardless, this is a literal lifetime of games. I have lived, ate, slept, breathed video games as my go-to pastime of life. But, there comes a time in everyone's life where you have to let it go.
At first, my gaming was my hobby of choice. I loved to play and have fun doing so. Every challenge, level, bonus, secret, character, sound, song, and things in between were my escape into blissful fantasy. However, as time passed, and my life changed, video games became more than just a hobby. They became more than just an escape. They became my top escape, right next to the Internet. I didn't just stop at having fun. I had to engross myself in the games I owned. Playing was one thing. Mastering it was another. I had to be the master. I had to be the best. I had to get all the secrets, all the unlockable things, all the all. I had to be the best at a fighting game. I had to do this in order to prove my worth to the other gamers I knew, let alone to myself. I was already stuck with life, which I felt kicked my teeth in almost every day. I couldn't let my favorite hobby do the same. The problem with this mindset: it starts to seep into your everyday life. Next thing you know, you aren't eating right. You aren't exercising. You are sleeping at bad times. You are taking time out to the game instead of with loved ones. The girlfriend you want to spend time with, or the wife, or whomever your loved one is...isn't that important. The only time they are important is if they are watching you play, so you can show off your talents to said person(s). If they are impressed, all that time was worth it. If not, you couldn't be any more disappointed.
When I started to play games more than I had time for anything else, I opened this doorway to another dimension. This was my gaming haven. I was Captain N. I was Johnny Arcade. I was the one that could help these pixelated and polygonal heroes to glory. School was tough, making friends was rough, getting a girlfriend was nigh impossible, but it didn't matter. I had this awesome pastime that eclipsed real life. Who cares about all those things? As long as I had a controller in hand, a game in the console, and enough free time to go around, life was good. Well, that's what you want to believe at least....
I didn't notice it, but video games slowly went from a fun hobby to an obsession, and then to a compulsion. If I had a system I was working with, cool. But, once a new system came into the mix, I had to have as many games for that system as any one else did. I had to play those games. I had to beat those games. I had to be so engrossed with completing them that everything else took a bit of a backseat. Eating, sleeping, working, dating: it was all background music. I didn't fully realize this until after I got the PS2. It didn't actually start until after I got the Nintendo DS as a gift. That was back in 2009. So, for 4-5 years, I made video games my obsession, my "mistress". I had to know all about them, beat all of them, have all of them. If I went into GameStop, I had to buy something. If I didn't, there was something I could pick up for later. It had to be mine and it had to be played. It also had to be done whenever I had free time. But, who could have free time when you are growing, changing, and life is moving? In my case: you made free time.
Every ride on public transit was a chance I could take playing some DS action. Every holiday where I didn't work or go to school meant a chance to fire up the system and play to my heart's content. Every day where I didn't have to see anyone was a day to fire up the system and play until I fell asleep. Now, this works for some people. In fact, it worked for me for a good amount of time. But, when you have all these responsibilities to look forward to, and a life to look after, you have to ask yourself, "When do I get a chance to unplug?" For me, it was "when do I get a chance to play again?"
I was living the life that my friends were still living and lived a lot back when we were in college or high school. I thought that was what I wanted. Heck, it was in 2009 when I committed myself to gaming after a year broken up from someone. I treated gaming as the one who wouldn't leave me. Talk about an unhealthy relationship. This proved to be more of an issue come married life.
I was dating the most beautiful, most amazing, most wonderful woman in the world, in 2010. She shared my interests, my values, even my taste in humor. She was a gamer. How cool is that? Who could ask for anything more? Well, how about an equal amount of both? Sadly, I didn't see the equality. In the end, I found myself blowing her off to game some more. It was the most selfish I have ever been since lashing out at every woman I knew since 2005. Instead of enjoying games with her, I took to them myself. I put more time into gaming than I did with spending time with her. Worse than that, I did that instead of getting my life together on a mental level. Instead of moving out to an apartment, I was in a room away from my parent's house, where I felt their outreaching arm trying to pull me out of the room and back into their lives. That's not moving away for peace of mind. That's doing a "geographic" for the sake of escape. When I gamed, I got frustrated when I lost. I got even more heated when someone interrupted me. It was so visible on me, you could see it from Mars. You'd think that by married life that would change, right?
Once married, my gaming slowed down, but the same connotations, triggers, and isolation was there. I was stuck in my own world when it came to games. I didn't want to share. I didn't want to play with others. I barely asked my wife to join me. I didn't even ask her to join me and my brothers for Smash Bros. once. So, what can one do to make this work? The answer: unplug!
As of January 1st, 2015, I no longer play video games the same way I used to. You could say I've gone from hardcore gamer to casual gamer. I'm in the process of selling off the Sega Dreamcast and I sold back a slew of Nintendo Wii U games. The 3DS may and will be next, to be sure. Why? I've been isolating, that's why. Video games have become an isolating escape for me, from everything. It was an escape from life. It was an escape from pain. It was an escape even from love, friendship, and marriage. That's not how life works. When it's an escape from the bad and the good things, you don't have a hobby anymore. You have an obsession. It's time to pull the plug.
So, here's to you, video gaming. It's been fun when it should have been, trying when it shouldn't have been, and troubling almost always. I wish we could keep on going with our great relationship. However, I've abused it and have gone too far. I know you don't care, because there will always be people who don't have this problem, right? As long as someone switches you on, it's nothing to be worried about.
Farewell, video games. It's time I grow up to be a more casual adult than a hardcore man-child. For the sake of my sanity, it's time for a change. Don't you worry though. You'll always have a place in my heart.
I didn't notice it, but video games slowly went from a fun hobby to an obsession, and then to a compulsion. If I had a system I was working with, cool. But, once a new system came into the mix, I had to have as many games for that system as any one else did. I had to play those games. I had to beat those games. I had to be so engrossed with completing them that everything else took a bit of a backseat. Eating, sleeping, working, dating: it was all background music. I didn't fully realize this until after I got the PS2. It didn't actually start until after I got the Nintendo DS as a gift. That was back in 2009. So, for 4-5 years, I made video games my obsession, my "mistress". I had to know all about them, beat all of them, have all of them. If I went into GameStop, I had to buy something. If I didn't, there was something I could pick up for later. It had to be mine and it had to be played. It also had to be done whenever I had free time. But, who could have free time when you are growing, changing, and life is moving? In my case: you made free time.
Every ride on public transit was a chance I could take playing some DS action. Every holiday where I didn't work or go to school meant a chance to fire up the system and play to my heart's content. Every day where I didn't have to see anyone was a day to fire up the system and play until I fell asleep. Now, this works for some people. In fact, it worked for me for a good amount of time. But, when you have all these responsibilities to look forward to, and a life to look after, you have to ask yourself, "When do I get a chance to unplug?" For me, it was "when do I get a chance to play again?"
I was living the life that my friends were still living and lived a lot back when we were in college or high school. I thought that was what I wanted. Heck, it was in 2009 when I committed myself to gaming after a year broken up from someone. I treated gaming as the one who wouldn't leave me. Talk about an unhealthy relationship. This proved to be more of an issue come married life.
I was dating the most beautiful, most amazing, most wonderful woman in the world, in 2010. She shared my interests, my values, even my taste in humor. She was a gamer. How cool is that? Who could ask for anything more? Well, how about an equal amount of both? Sadly, I didn't see the equality. In the end, I found myself blowing her off to game some more. It was the most selfish I have ever been since lashing out at every woman I knew since 2005. Instead of enjoying games with her, I took to them myself. I put more time into gaming than I did with spending time with her. Worse than that, I did that instead of getting my life together on a mental level. Instead of moving out to an apartment, I was in a room away from my parent's house, where I felt their outreaching arm trying to pull me out of the room and back into their lives. That's not moving away for peace of mind. That's doing a "geographic" for the sake of escape. When I gamed, I got frustrated when I lost. I got even more heated when someone interrupted me. It was so visible on me, you could see it from Mars. You'd think that by married life that would change, right?
Once married, my gaming slowed down, but the same connotations, triggers, and isolation was there. I was stuck in my own world when it came to games. I didn't want to share. I didn't want to play with others. I barely asked my wife to join me. I didn't even ask her to join me and my brothers for Smash Bros. once. So, what can one do to make this work? The answer: unplug!
As of January 1st, 2015, I no longer play video games the same way I used to. You could say I've gone from hardcore gamer to casual gamer. I'm in the process of selling off the Sega Dreamcast and I sold back a slew of Nintendo Wii U games. The 3DS may and will be next, to be sure. Why? I've been isolating, that's why. Video games have become an isolating escape for me, from everything. It was an escape from life. It was an escape from pain. It was an escape even from love, friendship, and marriage. That's not how life works. When it's an escape from the bad and the good things, you don't have a hobby anymore. You have an obsession. It's time to pull the plug.
So, here's to you, video gaming. It's been fun when it should have been, trying when it shouldn't have been, and troubling almost always. I wish we could keep on going with our great relationship. However, I've abused it and have gone too far. I know you don't care, because there will always be people who don't have this problem, right? As long as someone switches you on, it's nothing to be worried about.
Farewell, video games. It's time I grow up to be a more casual adult than a hardcore man-child. For the sake of my sanity, it's time for a change. Don't you worry though. You'll always have a place in my heart.
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