ALL ABOARD THE SINGLE TRAIN! (or the top 10 lies about love....wait, what?)
The last time I blogged around this time of year, I told you all what I figured were the best romance movies of all time. Were they irreverent? Probably. Were they cliche? No. To me, they were the stories I could relate to best when it came to finding love, being in love, etc. I said it was the best set of movies to binge watch for the month, amid the talk and toast about one of my most despised days of the year: Valentine's Day.
Now, I could go on and on about how I don't like this day and all it represents, but I don't want to rant over something I can't change. I also don't want to spend too much energy on dreading a day of this caliber and whatnot. Instead, I wanted to spend this time dropping another top 10 list and going in full detail about my experiences about such. See, whether we like it or not, there are lies about love.
We have heard the lines, advice, truths, etc. about love and how lying doesn't fit in. Here's the thing: those are true. However, I believe that as a society, from as early as I can remember or beyond that up until this very day, we live a set of lies when it comes to love. We were conditioned to believe these lies or such and such after years of constant exposure and examples that play with our fantasies and depart from our realities. This leaves us unable to accept what really is and too open to accept what it should be. Now, I'll be the first to admit. I gave in to these lies at a very young age. I believe it was at 6 years old when I got a great big smile from a high schooler after school. It was at that point that I felt that rush of the fantasy of what love is. I'm 36 years old. I know what love is. 30 years ago, I wasn't the wiser. All I knew is that it would be so awesome if the fantasy were real for me. I shake my head as I type this because if I knew then what I knew now, I'd probably have never created that mindset. I probably would have been a much meaner, nastier person, actually. But, I digress.
So, upon my 36 years on this planet, I'm going to share what I feel are 10 of the biggest lies we either tell ourselves or have been told about love in our lives. I'll admit, what I'm about to type may divide you. It might even bring on some vehement discourse in response. Heck, I might even lose a friend or two over this. Again, it was not my intention. I already know that along with politics, religion and money, this subject creates a divide among people the length of the Marianna Trench. My intention is to find some sort of catharsis in sharing my feelings about love that always, ALWAYS, seem to crop up inside of me. It's time to let them loose and avoid a China Syndrome of feelings. With that said, here are the top 10 "lies about love".
As a heads up, I'm probably going to turn off those who read this. Might even lose some friends over this. My suggestion to you for comments: leave them on the blog for discourse. I love a healthy discussion. HEALTHY. If you're just going to be that clown that can't have a conversation without being an adult, waste someone else's time.
Authenticity is all I want in a woman. I myself have worked at becoming as true to myself as possible. In fact, I don't like lying nor am inclined to. If I'm on this site, I'm shooting straight with you. The least you can do is shoot straight with me. If you can't, scroll on. Sadly, 9 out of 10 people I've found can't be that real. So, dating sites: it's been real.
So, you can't quite sit in front of the computer like you used to and still want to use this service of that which is electronic dating. Well, thanks to the creation of the app and the power to carry the web on your portable device, dating electronically can be done at your fingertips. Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, even apps based on those websites like Match, EHarmony, OKCupid: it's all there. And yet, with this portability comes the same amount of dishonesty. It's only quicker.
Tinder would be the biggest culprit. Swipe right or left based on what you see? What is this, a pet store? Coffee Meets Bagel? A novel idea that has more legs than the previous app. However, there are limits. If not by how much you can do, then it's who's available. And trust me, there aren't many available that are truthful about getting to know you, be with you, etc. Oh, and at 12 PM, you can do all the dating fun you want. So, like eating lunch, it becomes a task, or a hobby or whatever. Yea...no. If I have found one thing to be true, I've found that apps are much more addictive or can at least drive up the desperation levels much higher with their ease of use. Maybe I'll convince myself that they could be helpful, and maybe I'll bite the bullet and try again. But I will NOT take them as the new wave and only way of making relationships work. Until folks use them for what they were intended for, apps and websites are as useful as online ads....
This is my final point, and it's all-encompassing. There is NO surefire way to find love. You can be and make as many friends as possible, and never be seen in a romantic light. You can go to 100 meetups and meet the same people over and over, and never get into a relationship with them. You can get on every dating site and spend money out the backside and never get one like, look, love, etc. And yes, no amount of speed dating or dating coaches will ever give you the means, understanding, or whatnot to find the person of your dreams. It's all a crapshoot. What works for others, doesn't guarantee it will work for you. I know folks who's found love online, people who have successful speed dates, and even at least 3 couples that have met their future husbands or wives at a Meetup. Does it mean it will work for me? NO! Does it mean it will work for anyone? NO. It is what it is. Finding love is like winning the lottery. You do have to be in it to win it, sure. But not to the point where you're throwing your head against the ground, spending too much or any of your hard-earned money, and sacrificing what peace of mind you may have always wanted in life. The sooner one realizes that there is no set way to find love, the sooner they are at peace with the notion of being in love or being loved by someone else.
Now, I could go on and on about how I don't like this day and all it represents, but I don't want to rant over something I can't change. I also don't want to spend too much energy on dreading a day of this caliber and whatnot. Instead, I wanted to spend this time dropping another top 10 list and going in full detail about my experiences about such. See, whether we like it or not, there are lies about love.
We have heard the lines, advice, truths, etc. about love and how lying doesn't fit in. Here's the thing: those are true. However, I believe that as a society, from as early as I can remember or beyond that up until this very day, we live a set of lies when it comes to love. We were conditioned to believe these lies or such and such after years of constant exposure and examples that play with our fantasies and depart from our realities. This leaves us unable to accept what really is and too open to accept what it should be. Now, I'll be the first to admit. I gave in to these lies at a very young age. I believe it was at 6 years old when I got a great big smile from a high schooler after school. It was at that point that I felt that rush of the fantasy of what love is. I'm 36 years old. I know what love is. 30 years ago, I wasn't the wiser. All I knew is that it would be so awesome if the fantasy were real for me. I shake my head as I type this because if I knew then what I knew now, I'd probably have never created that mindset. I probably would have been a much meaner, nastier person, actually. But, I digress.
So, upon my 36 years on this planet, I'm going to share what I feel are 10 of the biggest lies we either tell ourselves or have been told about love in our lives. I'll admit, what I'm about to type may divide you. It might even bring on some vehement discourse in response. Heck, I might even lose a friend or two over this. Again, it was not my intention. I already know that along with politics, religion and money, this subject creates a divide among people the length of the Marianna Trench. My intention is to find some sort of catharsis in sharing my feelings about love that always, ALWAYS, seem to crop up inside of me. It's time to let them loose and avoid a China Syndrome of feelings. With that said, here are the top 10 "lies about love".
As a heads up, I'm probably going to turn off those who read this. Might even lose some friends over this. My suggestion to you for comments: leave them on the blog for discourse. I love a healthy discussion. HEALTHY. If you're just going to be that clown that can't have a conversation without being an adult, waste someone else's time.
1. Clothes make the man
There's a song by ZZ Top called "Sharp-dressed Man". It explains how every girl is crazy about a guy who cleans up nice and looks like a million bucks wearing that suit, that tie, those accouterments. In some cases, folks find it to be very respectful if you dress up for an occasion, especially dating. If not dress up, then at least get clothes that don't look tattered, etc.
Here's why this is a lie: Every day of my life, I see people in relationships that dress up as if they fell out of a music video from 1996, arm in arm with people doing their best Nicki Minaj impression. I have friends that have dressed to their comfort in regular clothes that have met the love of their life by happy chance. The human element prevents this from being any type of truth. You can be the best dressed person on the planet, and be a total bastard by picking any woman or man you want and leave them laying, wanting more as part of a game of mental chess you play for whatever reason. You can come dressed in sweats from a yoga workout, go have lunch with someone, and if you click, you may have found a keeper for life.
If we trusted whatever we wore on the outside to be the determining factor on a person's value every time, we'd be trusting of that multi-millionaire, who shops at Armani, to be of great value since he or she wears the fanciest clothes. And how do you know that on the side, said person hasn't crippled people's ways of life by having them at the brink of poverty? In the right or wrong hands, the clothes you wear can be a mask of what you really are. They can also just be a layer of identity to the real person. I cringe every time I see celebs touted for what they wear. Who cares? They're humans who put their pants on one leg at a time. Why should their or your value as a love interest be judged by whether or not you spent your life savings on a new tie? Because it shows that you put your best foot forward in meeting that other person? Because it validates someone else who needs to find their own set of validation? Sorry, but I'm not breaking the bank just to see if we'll bump and grind in the future. And speaking of which....
2. Sex is everything
This has been one of the many ideas that has come up in conversations with friends and co-workers alike. I know a few people who feel that it's important to make sure the person you're with is the best lover you can handle. If they can't do the wild thing up to the standards of an earth-shattering experience, they aren't worth your time. Never mind that they treat you better than any other person who has treated you like crap. Never mind if they actually want to see you grow as a person while you both share interests. If they can't "fuck", they're out of luck.
This is one of the most selfish, ridiculous, down-right arrogant lies I've ever heard. You know who makes for great partners in bed? Professionals like porn stars. I mean, seriously. You're going to base the primary portion of your relationship on whether or not you have an "out of body experience" with your mate while you're joining bodies sexually? Here's a thought: how about if you realize you don't even like this person as a person? How about if they repulse you in how they present themselves as people. Love is not just the physical. It's the emotional and the spiritual. If all three are not in alignment (and that happens more often than most), you'll be giving of yourself what another has earned on false merits of performance. I think I get why, though. You want to get something out of this while you're with this person. If you're going to dedicate your feelings and companionship with someone for the long haul, you need to see if you're getting something out of it. That right there is not a loving feeling. Love isn't selfish. It's self-less.
Maybe my mindset is too "old school", or I'm deifying something that's not meant to be valued that highly. But if I'm going to be giving a part of me and my life force into you, I'd better have a damn good reason. And trust me, looks fade over the years. If you can't see the real beauty of someone, mind, body, and soul when you have sex with them, you might as well get a blow-up doll.
3. Build up your body and bag the beauties
Now, this is a winner. I say it's a winner because I've lived my whole life so far seeing not just the contrary, but trends set by those who can't stand the lie of the hyper importance of physical attraction through physical sculpting. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a straight guy, and even I can admit that there are some fellows out there that look like a million bucks. So much so, that I always joke that if I were a woman, I'd throw myself at whatever movie star comes to mind. But, here's where the lie comes in.
We are told that a fine way to attract the one we love is to look like we have the hottest body on Muscle Beach. We have to physically look like Michelangelo's David. Hey, remember that body we were born with? The temple as it is called that should be treated as one? Whatever happened to taking care of it for the sake of....oh I don't know, YOUR OWN HEALTH?!!
Why does it take the thoughts of impressing one through extreme physical attraction the means to get healthy? Why? Because we've been fed this lie for years now. The action star that looks like he was a Spartan. The athlete that spends their days from rise to fall, honing their craft physically to win the big game. The body builder that looks like he fell out of a Roman Colosseum. The lie was perpetrated onto us, from Prince Charming to Prince Harry. And yet, I see folks who look nothing like that in love and happier than ever. I know people that have or are starting to get into shape for the sake of their health and what do they have as an important tool? A loving partner that wants whats best for them, coaching and cheering them on to survive. And yet, they don't look like those hot bodies we see on t.v. Hmm.....
4. Ask a dating coach
Oh man. This...this right here, really pisses me off. I was reading around on the Internet about the possibilities as to what I may be doing wrong or doing right about my love life. Curiosity killed the cat, eh? Thank goodness I'm human and I didn't delve deeper. So, I came across a website that piqued my interest on what was being said about our love lives. I was interested. I started to relate. Then, I saw the unthinkable: a line about how this person's process would help me get past these problems. Are you f**ing kidding me?
Human knowledge should be free to the world. Good advice that has lasted the test of time isn't for a price nor should it be. So, why in the world am I going to pay some person who may or may not have had success in their love life any money on what other folks already know? I'm not that desperate nor am I that stupid. I believe that the people we click with, the people that get us, are the real "soul mates" in our lives. They don't have to be lovers. They can be friends, family, whatever. They are connected to us and others like an interwoven tapestry in life. When you pull apart what holds it together, the tapestry comes apart. It doesn't come apart perfectly as one would expect. We don't weave together perfectly as humans are not perfect, but we do come together in a bond that defies all logic. Still, the connection is there. If a dating coach says his or her ideas work, it's either because a) it's common sense and common knowledge or b) the person taking in the advice is just like the coach on some level. Oh and by the way, if said coach hates being called a dating coach even if they are one, you may as well take that money you may be spending on this person and buy a fine item "As seen on TV".
5. Dating sites are a sure-fire way to find someone
It was 2009. I was super frustrated over the fact that I was single for a year and looking for love. I couldn't make any connections with anyone. Then, a co-worker suggests that I go online and find a mate. I wondered how that would work, like online personals. He said there are free dating websites you can join to find love on. Seeing as how my other efforts had failed or weren't even attempted, I dove right in. 9 years later, and I want absolutely nothing to do with dating sites.
My biggest problem with dating sites is the problem I had with finding love on AOL through chat rooms and instant messenger. You don't know these people. You've never met these people. And as sure as I'm saying this, there have been folks who take advantage of this by creating lies about themselves on the web. There's no need to be authentic. There's an extra layer of protection for them. So, why be 100 percent truthful, if you don't even know the person? Why not lie a little or a lot to cover your bases?
Authenticity is all I want in a woman. I myself have worked at becoming as true to myself as possible. In fact, I don't like lying nor am inclined to. If I'm on this site, I'm shooting straight with you. The least you can do is shoot straight with me. If you can't, scroll on. Sadly, 9 out of 10 people I've found can't be that real. So, dating sites: it's been real.
6. Dating apps: the future is now
So, you can't quite sit in front of the computer like you used to and still want to use this service of that which is electronic dating. Well, thanks to the creation of the app and the power to carry the web on your portable device, dating electronically can be done at your fingertips. Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, even apps based on those websites like Match, EHarmony, OKCupid: it's all there. And yet, with this portability comes the same amount of dishonesty. It's only quicker.
Tinder would be the biggest culprit. Swipe right or left based on what you see? What is this, a pet store? Coffee Meets Bagel? A novel idea that has more legs than the previous app. However, there are limits. If not by how much you can do, then it's who's available. And trust me, there aren't many available that are truthful about getting to know you, be with you, etc. Oh, and at 12 PM, you can do all the dating fun you want. So, like eating lunch, it becomes a task, or a hobby or whatever. Yea...no. If I have found one thing to be true, I've found that apps are much more addictive or can at least drive up the desperation levels much higher with their ease of use. Maybe I'll convince myself that they could be helpful, and maybe I'll bite the bullet and try again. But I will NOT take them as the new wave and only way of making relationships work. Until folks use them for what they were intended for, apps and websites are as useful as online ads....
7. Speed dating: what have you got to lose?
Boy, where does one begin with this nightmare? Just as I am 0-3 in relationships of a long term variety, I'm 0-3 with speed dating. I've done this three times, and all three times were disastrous, demeaning and downright destructive to my esteem. And the funny thing about two of them is that I was in a situation where I could have benefited very much so. One was at NY Comic Con, while the other was a day after Valentine's day and the ratio of women to men was 2-1. In both instances, I learned that as a friend, I could no better than that, if that.
My biggest gripe with speed dating is this: you're taking out the human element of getting to know someone on a deeper, more timely level and replacing it with instant gratification along the lines of having one's dessert before dinner. I will always believe that the best relationships are built on a solid foundation of friendship. You have to like the person in order to fully love them on that level. Through speed dating, you're taking out the "getting to know you" phase and are replacing it with a fast and easy approach that's akin to drunkenly making out with your dancing partner after a wild night at the Copa. You don't know him or her, so why go forward and entertain what those in relationships do? The reason: instant gratification. The dating world wasn't broken. There was no need to fix it just to satiate some need to do the tough stuff sooner. That just shows that there are way too many folks who aren't sure or secure enough to get through the stuff that strengthens you. Getting to know a potential partner shouldn't be like ordering fast food. And if it is, don't be surprised if you don't get your order the way you want it...or sooner...
Boy, where does one begin with this nightmare? Just as I am 0-3 in relationships of a long term variety, I'm 0-3 with speed dating. I've done this three times, and all three times were disastrous, demeaning and downright destructive to my esteem. And the funny thing about two of them is that I was in a situation where I could have benefited very much so. One was at NY Comic Con, while the other was a day after Valentine's day and the ratio of women to men was 2-1. In both instances, I learned that as a friend, I could no better than that, if that.
My biggest gripe with speed dating is this: you're taking out the human element of getting to know someone on a deeper, more timely level and replacing it with instant gratification along the lines of having one's dessert before dinner. I will always believe that the best relationships are built on a solid foundation of friendship. You have to like the person in order to fully love them on that level. Through speed dating, you're taking out the "getting to know you" phase and are replacing it with a fast and easy approach that's akin to drunkenly making out with your dancing partner after a wild night at the Copa. You don't know him or her, so why go forward and entertain what those in relationships do? The reason: instant gratification. The dating world wasn't broken. There was no need to fix it just to satiate some need to do the tough stuff sooner. That just shows that there are way too many folks who aren't sure or secure enough to get through the stuff that strengthens you. Getting to know a potential partner shouldn't be like ordering fast food. And if it is, don't be surprised if you don't get your order the way you want it...or sooner...
8. Dating is a "contact" sport....so is telemarketing....
So, I was watching Boiler Room one day and I remember one of the characters saying that their job is a "contact" sport. The reference was meant to state that the more people you contact, the better your chances are to get a sale. In recent years, people have espoused to me or others that dating is a "contact" sport as well. The more you contact, the better your chances. Here's the thing: human relations...is not a sport. It's not a game. It's not a sales pitch. You aren't buying anyone here. You're investing your time and self into getting to know someone. That said, there are millions of people in the world. The fact that you contact a bunch doesn't guarantee you'll find love easier. It will guarantee frustration if you let it.
In the throes of dating, I remember that I had access to at least 3 dating websites, one dating app, and was using the likes of Meetup to increase my chances of finding love. That lasted for about a year and a half. All I got for my trouble was lost funds, weird to crazy dates, and a wellspring of frustration, throwing my head against the ground trying to find the one for me. Quality ALWAYS beats out quantity. ALWAYS. Having more chances to contact folks or more folks to contact only increases the chances of bad prospects coming through, as opposed to good ones trickling down. Again, dating is not a job, nor is it a job interview. It's a chance to meet someone new and possibly make a friend or more out of them. If you treat your searching for someone new as much as a telemarketer treats making a sale, you might as well throw away your prospects like leftover cereal.
So, I was watching Boiler Room one day and I remember one of the characters saying that their job is a "contact" sport. The reference was meant to state that the more people you contact, the better your chances are to get a sale. In recent years, people have espoused to me or others that dating is a "contact" sport as well. The more you contact, the better your chances. Here's the thing: human relations...is not a sport. It's not a game. It's not a sales pitch. You aren't buying anyone here. You're investing your time and self into getting to know someone. That said, there are millions of people in the world. The fact that you contact a bunch doesn't guarantee you'll find love easier. It will guarantee frustration if you let it.
In the throes of dating, I remember that I had access to at least 3 dating websites, one dating app, and was using the likes of Meetup to increase my chances of finding love. That lasted for about a year and a half. All I got for my trouble was lost funds, weird to crazy dates, and a wellspring of frustration, throwing my head against the ground trying to find the one for me. Quality ALWAYS beats out quantity. ALWAYS. Having more chances to contact folks or more folks to contact only increases the chances of bad prospects coming through, as opposed to good ones trickling down. Again, dating is not a job, nor is it a job interview. It's a chance to meet someone new and possibly make a friend or more out of them. If you treat your searching for someone new as much as a telemarketer treats making a sale, you might as well throw away your prospects like leftover cereal.
9. Win them over with confidence....you salesman you!
I love how folks say that you have to have confidence in order to find love. You have to be confident in yourself and your actions if you want to score. Problem number 1: confidence goes further than just finding a love interest. It's something one desires to have or needs to have in order to live life a little less worry-free. Problem number 2: all the confidence in the world does not guarantee things will work out. You can be confident you will win a game, and lose. You can be confident that you'll win an election and lose. The same can be said in this case. Confidence guarantees nothing. I was confident that I'd have fun at an event recently. What did I find but a waste of my time and money. People will say to be confident in order to put the positive energy into the situation. Here's the thing: the human element or life in general does not get guided by how positive you are about your chances. It thrives on remaining as positive as you can despite the outcome. You put your best foot forward but remain at ease no matter what the situation. Also, it's very easy to confuse confidence with arrogance. I feel that these days, most folks can't see the difference.
10. (Insert method here) is a surefire way to find love!
This is my final point, and it's all-encompassing. There is NO surefire way to find love. You can be and make as many friends as possible, and never be seen in a romantic light. You can go to 100 meetups and meet the same people over and over, and never get into a relationship with them. You can get on every dating site and spend money out the backside and never get one like, look, love, etc. And yes, no amount of speed dating or dating coaches will ever give you the means, understanding, or whatnot to find the person of your dreams. It's all a crapshoot. What works for others, doesn't guarantee it will work for you. I know folks who's found love online, people who have successful speed dates, and even at least 3 couples that have met their future husbands or wives at a Meetup. Does it mean it will work for me? NO! Does it mean it will work for anyone? NO. It is what it is. Finding love is like winning the lottery. You do have to be in it to win it, sure. But not to the point where you're throwing your head against the ground, spending too much or any of your hard-earned money, and sacrificing what peace of mind you may have always wanted in life. The sooner one realizes that there is no set way to find love, the sooner they are at peace with the notion of being in love or being loved by someone else.
Conclusion: the love you deserve.....
Now, I realize this blog may have come off very negative, hard-hearted, sad, lonely, and even cruel. But, I'm not here to discourage anyone. I'm here to share what I feel are the lies I've been told and ultimately, the lies told to the many of us who are single, or lonely, or whatever, and how it's supposed to work. The hard truth is that there is no working way. Being in love, as I said, is like winning the lottery or gambling. The difference is that you're gambling your feelings, emotions, vulnerabilities and the like, for a chance to have the type of love that's not promised to everyone.
Yes, that's right. Love is not for everyone. For every horrible person who mistreats their mate, there's one that doesn't. For every nice person who comes across the love of their lives, there's the nice person who does finish dead last, no matter what they do to not finish last in that category. What? Did you think it always works out in the end? Tell that to the number of people I know that are single, for whatever reason. I have the pleasure of meeting and knowing some of the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful people in the world. They just don't have that person in their lives that can love them for who they are on a romantic level. I don't know why. Not my place to ask without intrusion. It just is.
So, with all of this said, is there any type of epilogue? What type of love do we deserve? The truth? The love we deserve is the love we give to ourselves. When we take care of ourselves. When we look into that inner child and let them know it's going to be ok, or that they can come out and enjoy life. When we are able to find happiness with ourselves so that when the opportunity does come along, we can make the conscious decision as to who we do or don't let into our lives. We don't settle. We don't judge. We give the benefit of the doubt. We become aware of what we want and not what we could use. We don't shop around for love by shopping around for dates. We invest in love by choosing what we want to have and putting our efforts into being with a person that could or does have what we would like.
In a conversation, this question came up: "So who is truly right for me?" My answer was simple, yet not easy: "I'm right for me". I came into this world alone. I will die or be laid to rest alone in my coffin. If I end up being alone in the middle of that journey, then I can be ready to move forward knowing that the right person who is right for me, is the man in the mirror. I now fully understand that I am a good catch. I'm probably one of the few good catches left in the city I live in. So much of a good catch, that I dare say I'm ahead of the times I live in. The reason I'm single is because the rest of the world hasn't caught up yet. I'm not a relationship rule or exception. I set my own trends when it comes to love. And even if the trends are copied by someone else or brought up by someone else, I have the choice to live that way if I please. You aren't going to get a lot of Catholic guys who are open-minded, warm, and into Captain N and Gundam Wing, loving the SNES as the greatest system in the world, while working for the city and dreaming of a job in video game development. Those are my trends and I accept them. That's the love I deserve.
"This is me, how I like to be-e-e, take it or leave it..." --Riot and the Stingers
(Credit and copyright goes to all images posted here)
Now, I realize this blog may have come off very negative, hard-hearted, sad, lonely, and even cruel. But, I'm not here to discourage anyone. I'm here to share what I feel are the lies I've been told and ultimately, the lies told to the many of us who are single, or lonely, or whatever, and how it's supposed to work. The hard truth is that there is no working way. Being in love, as I said, is like winning the lottery or gambling. The difference is that you're gambling your feelings, emotions, vulnerabilities and the like, for a chance to have the type of love that's not promised to everyone.
Yes, that's right. Love is not for everyone. For every horrible person who mistreats their mate, there's one that doesn't. For every nice person who comes across the love of their lives, there's the nice person who does finish dead last, no matter what they do to not finish last in that category. What? Did you think it always works out in the end? Tell that to the number of people I know that are single, for whatever reason. I have the pleasure of meeting and knowing some of the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful people in the world. They just don't have that person in their lives that can love them for who they are on a romantic level. I don't know why. Not my place to ask without intrusion. It just is.
So, with all of this said, is there any type of epilogue? What type of love do we deserve? The truth? The love we deserve is the love we give to ourselves. When we take care of ourselves. When we look into that inner child and let them know it's going to be ok, or that they can come out and enjoy life. When we are able to find happiness with ourselves so that when the opportunity does come along, we can make the conscious decision as to who we do or don't let into our lives. We don't settle. We don't judge. We give the benefit of the doubt. We become aware of what we want and not what we could use. We don't shop around for love by shopping around for dates. We invest in love by choosing what we want to have and putting our efforts into being with a person that could or does have what we would like.
In a conversation, this question came up: "So who is truly right for me?" My answer was simple, yet not easy: "I'm right for me". I came into this world alone. I will die or be laid to rest alone in my coffin. If I end up being alone in the middle of that journey, then I can be ready to move forward knowing that the right person who is right for me, is the man in the mirror. I now fully understand that I am a good catch. I'm probably one of the few good catches left in the city I live in. So much of a good catch, that I dare say I'm ahead of the times I live in. The reason I'm single is because the rest of the world hasn't caught up yet. I'm not a relationship rule or exception. I set my own trends when it comes to love. And even if the trends are copied by someone else or brought up by someone else, I have the choice to live that way if I please. You aren't going to get a lot of Catholic guys who are open-minded, warm, and into Captain N and Gundam Wing, loving the SNES as the greatest system in the world, while working for the city and dreaming of a job in video game development. Those are my trends and I accept them. That's the love I deserve.
"This is me, how I like to be-e-e, take it or leave it..." --Riot and the Stingers
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